September 26, 2020 5 years ago leave a comment 845 Views Likes:
Let’s say your 13-year-old is sitting in the living room texting a friend. You need to talk to her about her disrespectful and rude outburst in the kitchen an hour ago.
First, have her turn off the electronics,. If she still ignores you or won’t engage in conversation, tell her to go to her room. You can say, “When you’re ready to talk, come down.”
Take the cell phone, computer, iPad, and other distractions out of her room, by the way – make sure she doesn’t have too much to do in there. Eventually, if kids can’t do anything else, they will likely talk to you.
Next, do some planning about where you want to sit and talk. When your child finally comes downstairs, sit, and have that discussion with her. Ask what the problem is and what she sees going on.
Put it out there for her: “It feels to me like maybe you are angry because I said you couldn’t sleepover at your friend’s house. Are you ready to talk about it now?” Remember to keep a neutral tone.
Listen and then give your version of events. You can say “This is what I observed. I came into the kitchen, I asked you to do something and you just blatantly ignored me. You didn’t follow through and we’re disrespectful and rude when I asked to talk about this.”
Again, be calm and be explicit about what you observed. If your child has been disrespectful, you can say, “That behavior is not acceptable. It’s okay to be angry, but being rude and disrespectful is not okay.” Let her know what the consequences will be if she has crossed the line.
This isn’t easy, but the rewards are well worth it. What you are trying to do is build the opportunity to have an open discussion with your child and help her gain insight. You want her to learn better problem-solving skills that she will be able to use when she’s an adult.
Remember, communication takes time. The end goal is that your child will be able to look at herself honestly, take responsibility for her actions, and learn how to communicate with people in a healthy way.
Do you have tips to share with us? Drop them in the comment section.
